Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.
My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.
Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.
She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.
Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.
I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.
Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.
I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.
I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.
I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.
Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.
I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.
I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.
I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.
This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.
Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?
Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25
When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26
Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27
It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53
Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71
Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?
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