These Advice given by My Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You need support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - taking a couple of days away, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."